My wife has put on a few pounds, to the extent that it is probably not good for her long-term health. My wife is attractive, takes good care of herself, and has no current health problems, but I am concerned that she’s putting herself at risk for future health problems if she does not take measures now.
After a weight loss program to lose 20 to 30 pounds, she would still not be svelte, but she would be better positioned for good health. She is sensitive to criticism and would probably be angry and take it as a put-down if I simply expressed the sentiments noted above. Do you have any suggestions? – Worried Husband
Reading the query above, I found myself disagreeing with Ask Amy, which is a rare occurrence. I didn’t find the husband to be ashamed of his wife’s weight, but truly concerned about her health. My advice for this husband would be to get more involved- perhaps find an activity that will slowly change their lifestyle; walking the neighborhood, venturing to the farmers market and grocery store, and learn to cook together. They could also implement the “Say Yes Challenge.” Ashley is doing this challenge and she says, “For the newbies here, I am doing an experiment with my husband. When he asks me to do something, I say yes and do it with a smile – that’s the plan anyway. The goal is to be more agreeable, find more things we have in common, and spend more time together.” In the case of this couple, I would take it a step farther and request that each of them complete a list of activities they want the other to try. Integrating these positive tasks into a relationship is bound to have positive changes. What advice would you offer this husband?
Real Life of an MSW 
Your advice is good. Perhaps also reduce his own intake at shared meals.
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Good suggestion. I find that when dinning with others we often try to match portions.
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I agree with you and maybe cook together at home.
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Cooking together is often one of the best eye openers of a realationship
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Hmm… to my opinion it’s a mix of “oh my God,she’s gaining weight and health concerns…. my advice? Tell her plainly and simply that weight increase increases health risk…
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You can tell state the obvious to someone, but that doesn’t mean it will change the behavior…
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Alas…. yes…
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Thank you for the shout out! I have noticed that when we cook together, we both are more excited to eat it – even if it is something healthier than he’d prefer. I am also significantly overweight, and saying yes to my husband’s suggested activities has helped a lot! He calmly, lovingly, and pretty hesitantly expressed concern that he wants me to be around for our daughter and him for a long time, so would I please take better care of myself? Now we implement evening walks or walks to the nearby playground, we have dance parties with my toddler, and we generally eat healthier. I also go to the gym at 4:30 am most mornings because he approached me in a way that made me understand his motives. I highly recommend the Say Yes Challenge to every couple – it’s so fun to find out new ways you’re compatible and find new things you enjoy that you might not have known!
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You’re welcome the Say Yes Challenge is a great relationship developer. It also sounds like you have a wonderful husband. I wish you nothing, but the best on your journey to wellness 🙂
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Make sure she knows beyond a doubt that you love her just as she is and then be a positive example. suggesting engaging in a more active lifestyle together is awesome
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I agree when things are said, with love it changes the delivery and often promotes change..
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While I wholeheartedly agree with your advice, it sometimes takes a third person who is not emotionally involved with the couple (preferably a physician) to sound the alarm and to suggest a diet and/or physical activity regimen. In my case, I put my trust in my husband’s doctor, and it worked. Now I have to meet the cooking challenges – that’s fun and exciting! – and also join him in his daily walks (somewhat painful for me, but I grin and bear). I also keep a daily food log for him, which he is supposed to show to his doctor after a month of diet and regimen. In short, support is definitely needed, but only after a specialist weighs in.
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I agree a physician and/or nutritionist should be consulted diet and/or physical activity regimen. I am glad to hear/read that you are such a positive support for your husband. I looked forward to updates on your husband health progress, and your culinary challenges.
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Thank you so much for your kind comment, dear friend. I estimate my husband’s weight loss progress by hugs. So far in two weeks his belly has gone down by about two inches, it looks like. He also reports that he feels better after 30-minute walks every evening. Waiting to see the doctor two weeks from now…
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Love that you measure in hugs 😊
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