“My daughter got married last year. She and her husband chose to go to a lawyer’s office and save their money to buy a house. They are now in a lovely home and don’t have any regrets. You did not mention the additional costs of a big wedding in terms of expensive bachelorette and bachelor parties. Those have gotten out of control as well.”

“I told my daughter I would put $30,000 toward her marriage and give her cash for anything she didn’t spend. She got a license from the courthouse and got married in an approved lawyer’s office in about nine minutes. Later, they had a big party at their house — $26,000 in cash.”

“My wife and I, impecunious grad students at the time, married on a budget. We ran off invitations on a ditto machine; found a Universal Life Church minister and had family host the ceremony and reception. About 20 guests, including family. A guest took the pictures as his gift. Had a grand time. Spent maybe $250 for everything. That was 1978. You could do it today for $500 or less. The trick is avoiding pretense. Our marriage lasted until her death in 2017.”

Here’s what I tell couples. Spend lavishly for your wedding if you want if you can check off the following:

• You have a good emergency fund — at least enough to cover an unexpected spending shock.
• You both are saving well for retirement.
• Neither of you has student loans or revolving credit card debt.
• You can pay for the wedding without accumulating debt.

If you’re planning a wedding, live within your economic reality.