Real Life of an MSW

I retired a couple of years ago. I, like many people, I think, have realized that most of my friends and even acquaintances were work-related. My family doesn’t live close. I’ve always been a loner, so this doesn’t normally even bother me. I recently had a health issue come up where I needed a “responsible adult” to drive me home from surgery and I had a hard time coming up with someone.

Most of my interests are ones done alone and, when I looked into senior centers, the things they had were all craft stuff that I have no interest in learning. I’m a woman who has never really had much in common with other women and, at my age, have no interest in an actual relationship.

I had a couple of really bad experiences with organized religion in my youth and I’ve tried to find a new church over the years but find myself uncomfortable with the things I see and hear. I tried volunteer work, but like many towns, they are pretty much run by the churches and, after I kept politely turning down offers to come to their church, I found myself ignored or ostracized.

I know a lot of the problem is on me, but how do you make friends or at least another responsible adult when you are over 60?– Loner but Not Alone

Dear Loner: I don’t want to negate your experience, but I’d gently suggest that much of this problem is not on you, actually. Many people, of all ages, struggle to find and maintain social connections. And many adults find social life in retirement to be a new, surprising challenge.

One option you may not have considered is seeking out groups or activities that aren’t necessarily geared toward seniors. Perhaps you’ll find more in common with the local chess club or a sports league, for instance. Intergenerational friendship is one of life’s richest rewards and you may find it easier to connect with some of these organizations.

You might also consider getting a part-time job that you like and seeing if you jibe with your coworkers. If you don’t, you don’t have to keep the job. But connections can come from that as well.Lastly, while it doesn’t necessarily address the “responsible adult” need right away, many people find more connection through online groups – based around shared interests, hobbies, advocacy, or projects – than they do in their local community. These connections can then trickle down locally – people might have nearby connections, or they could themselves be closer than you think.