Aging: ‘Loss of possibility’

I love the Op-Ed section of the paper. I believe we all need to write at least one letter on something we’re passionate about in our lifetime. In saying that, I applaud this reader

Re: “High suicide rate among seniors is a tragedy for entire community” (Dec. 4, Opinion):

There is a twist on grief and being older many may not realize. As an example, my pet cat died about a year ago. Although I love every pet I’ve had, and have grieved the passing of each, the grief from this was stronger and lasted longer than ever before. Not just my cat died, but as I realized I will never be able to get another pet, the possibility to have a pet also died.

The same is for every close relationship an older person loses for whatever reason — there just aren’t enough years, time and energy to replace that relationship. It’s not just the loss of that close relationship, it is also the loss of the possibility of ever again having a similar close relationship.

The loss of possibility, whether it is in relationships, health or usefulness, is far more painful than the original loss.

Barb Blevins, Bellevue

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celebrate

you’re allowed to celebrate progress while grieving what it cost you – Michell C. Clark

Positively Purging-I welcome your feedbacks in the comments and your likes and passing the real life wisdom on to others as I embark on this new venture of “positively purging“, as I know each of these pieces represents something…

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Sunday Best

Sunday Best: Growing up, did you have a set of clothes designated for church and outings, sometimes referred to as your “Sunday Best”? Clothes that were only to be worn during special occasions and never anyplace as ordinary as say, the library.

Positively Purging-I welcome your feedbacks in the comments and your likes and passing the real life wisdom on to others as I embark on this new venture of “positively purging“, as I know each of these pieces represents something…

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Free Burning

Free Burning, author Bayo Ojikutu, (2006, 383 pages) If this were a hardcover book, I would have sworn someone mixed up the dust jacket. The synopsis on the jacket made me intrigued. It reads: “Tommie Simms was supposed to be the community hope, the young man from the neighborhood who made good. He attended a state university, married a respectable woman, and landed a position at a white-collar insurance firm. Tommie ignores the gnawing sense that he doesn’t belong on this path. . . Soon Tommie is laid off, and he begins to see himself as just another faceless entity on the city’s fringe. After each fruitless job interview, Tommie’s wife withdraws from him further, and in the mirror, he faces the reflection of failure his family never intended for him… ” Spoilers ahead. I didn’t finish this book. I pushed myself to read to page 50.  In that time the protagonist is offered not one but two different employment opportunities. He doesn’t accept either despite having a newborn, a wife, and bills piling up. He states, “I set up interviews for Tuesdays morning, never earlier than 10 am, never later than noon.” (28) forgive me for sounding judgy, but that is a limited window of time to look for employment. Worse, he turns down one job because it’s outside his window. The boss called before 9:30 a.m. and offered $26,5000 plus benefits to save them. “I told him I had to talk to my wife about his glorious opportunity, and I hung up, laughing as I dropped back to the pillow.” I can’t help but think a college student or not would have negotiated pay or perhaps the pay was reasonable for that period. The other opportunity came when his own mother stated, “You want me to talk to my supervisor,” (she works at the FORD automobile plant). “I laugh and grab my buffalo wings (49).” Once again, he declined an opportunity to pivot and support himself and his family. I was done with the book and its protagonist, who clearly needed therapy to deal with depression and the burden of being a black man who made it out of the neighborhood, or a positive role model or support groups to teach him about adulting. I wished him well, but like with a real life toxic individual, I had to move on. Have you read this book?

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How to Embrace Change

Recognize that change will change you—and that’s empowering. Expand your possible selves. Practice self-compassion when change feels hard.— Take Action This Week: When you catch yourself resisting a change or feeling stuck, ask yourself: “Who might I become on the other side of this?” Instead of focusing on what you’re losing, imagine the new capabilities, values, or parts of your identity that this change might reveal.

Positively Purging-I welcome your feedbacks in the comments and your likes and passing the real life wisdom on to others as I embark on this new venture of “positively purging“, as I know each of these pieces represents something…

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