“I’m an auntie to 18 nieces and nephews. My sisters say it’s unfair I only buy presents for some of them. I’m doing well financially, but gifts for 18 nieces and nephews add up. I don’t have strong bonds with all of my siblings, and it’s the same with my nieces and nephews, most of whom are teenagers.”
De La Rosa: Money is just a symptom of the core issue, which is someone asking for closeness and connection. Your siblings are saying, “Hey, I want you to love my children in the same way you love our other siblings’ children. How can we become closer?”
I would ask the letter writer to think about her values. How do you want these children to feel? Do you want to be a significant part of their lives? If the answer is yes, think about creative ways you can show up for your nieces and nephews that don’t leave you in financial ruin.
Can you organize a family gathering where you can give all the children an awesome memory? That would go such a long way.
Gatti Tassin: Questions like these are often relationship challenges masquerading as money challenges.
🔹 “My husband’s aunt gives them the amount of cash that matches their age. It’s memorable and not too pricey.” — @alimckeev
🔹“When families get that large, it almost makes more sense for each aunt and uncle to put a certain amount of money into a birthday fund each year, with the collective funds divided evenly among the kids old enough to appreciate birthday presents and spent on something that each kid actually wants.” — @katepowellartist
🔹“Not required but also don’t purchase in a way that creates division amongst children (like buying gifts for only one niece but not a nephew that’s their sibling). Always positive to acknowledge milestones even if just a card.”— @____.muse
🔹“You are never under any obligation to buy anyone a gift at any time. That’s why it’s a gift.” — @politikchik
Real Life of an MSW 