I am not sure what to do about a potentially abused kid.
Last night, my 9-year-old son told me about a girl in his class who told him about how her mother treats her. He described verbal abuse, spanking for minor offenses and at least one incident of getting hit in the face with a brush.
In the moment, I talked about how that was awful for his friend and that it’s not okay for grown-ups to treat kids that way.
I’m not sure what to do with this information. My inclination is to tell a teacher or school counselor at school dismissal today. Do mandatory reporters have to act on second- or thirdhand information? Are they the proper people to handle it? Is contacting child services too big a first step?I know it seems that as a society, we chalk up verbal abuse and spanking to “parenting styles,” and that sometimes kids make up or embellish stuff for a variety of reasons, but I feel awful thinking about that girl.— Concerned
Concerned: You have the exact right idea with the school — the laws and training protocols are in place for complicated situations like this. Though I would go to the principal, especially if the counselor isn’t a full-time presence. Maybe mention it to the teacher as well, but put it on the administration’s to-do list.
Remember, too, educators notice and overhear SO much; unless their class sizes or the students’ needs are overwhelming, the adults working with this girl probably have picked up on signs — if indeed there’s trouble at home.
Obviously, the effectiveness of interventions will vary at each stage of this process, and in different schools and jurisdictions, but that is not on you to parse.
As for the “too big” step of reporting, it’s a common fear — but what people often don’t consider is that you can ask questions before you share what you know. Book time with the principal or counselor, mention that you have some concerns, then ask what their procedures are when they receive information thirdhand about possible abuse. Obviously, you’re worried both about the child and about maybe unreliable narrators, and you’ll want to know how they’ll keep your son’s name out of it, so these are normal, responsible questions to ask. If you are satisfied with the answers, then you can relate what you heard.
You can also tell your son, if he asks, that you took care of it the best you could — sparing him the details — and say he was right to tell you.
This is the important thing: Do not sit on information that a child might be at risk just because you fear what will happen if you act on it. Everything probably feels like a risk; I was in your place once, and that’s how I felt. But extra eyes on a troubled kid — and parent — are a lot easier to live with than just looking the other way.
Real Life of an MSW 