Financial Plan

Your financial plan is not something you setup and put into cruise control.  Money is a practice. It’s not something your you do once and then you’re done. and these last few months are a great example of how your financial plans can totally shift from day to day – Stacy Morrison


Posted in Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Apology Annihilator

Apologies are easy, or so it would seem. We utter them all the time for minor things without a second thought: “Sorry, I’m running late.” “Sorry, what did you say?” “I’m sorry, but I was here first.”

But making a sincere apology is something else altogether. When we’ve truly wronged someone, it’s important to choose our words carefully to make sure our apology is received well, and to make sure we’re speaking from the heart. Too often, however, our choice of words (or where we put them) undermines, derails, or otherwise muddles sincerity, and the recipient is left more offended than they were in the first place.

Apologies don't mean anything if - Sayings with Images | Best inspirational  quotes, Inspiring quotes about life, Inspirational quotes

Here are six words that can sabotage your apology in no time flat. Proceed with caution!

1. You

There’s no better way to apologize without actually apologizing than following an “I’m sorry” with this three-letter pronoun. “I’m sorry you … [feel that way/think that/misinterpreted things/anything else].”

If you’re sorry, be sorry for your own actions. Don’t imply that the recipient was wrong to feel upset or hurt.

Of course, context is important. If it applies, then feel free to throw in you at other points, as in the always appreciated expression “You were right, and I was wrong.”

2. But

This little conjunction may be the ultimate apology annihilator. You never know what will come after it, but whatever it is, it’s bound to steer your mea culpa away from sincerity and down a road of excuses and exculpations. Best to leave the phrase “I’m sorry, but … ” at the door.

3. If

Such a short little pronoun, with such massive passive-aggressive power.

If it came off that way …” “If I hurt you …” “If you think I was wrong …” If you were wrong, there should be no ifs about it.

4. I

It’s obviously OK to start an apology with I, as in “I am sorry,” but if the rest of your apology is filled with “I [this …]”  and “I [that …]” then there’s a good chance you’re making it all about you, and not about the person you hurt. Be mindful of how you incorporate this term, and whether what follows is a line of defense, or something more earnest and useful.

5. Blame

While the rain (cue Milli Vanilli), tequila, or anything else may have something to do with your actions, saying, “I blame it on … ” sucks the sincerity right out of an apology. It implies that you’re holding someone or something other than yourself responsible, and it sounds more like an explanation than a plea for forgiveness. Plus, we all know that it can never really be the tequila’s fault.

6. Not

This mighty adverb can come in handy in all kinds of heartfelt apologetic phrases, but the tired “sorry, not sorry” isn’t one of them. Enough with the sarcastic sorrow. Can we please just banish this phrase already? Either be sorry or don’t be sorry, and if you’re not, then words like unapologetic impenitent, and obdurate have a much nicer and respectful ring.

Posted in Reading | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Song of Exodus

I look at an ant and I see myself: a native South African, endowed by nature with a strength much greater than my size so I might cope with a racism that crushes my spirit. I look at a bird and I see myself: a native South African, soaring above the injustices of apartheid on the wings of pride, the pride of a beautiful people. I look at a stream and I see myself: a native South African, flowing irresistibly over hard obstacles until they become smooth and, one day, disappear — flowing from an origin that has been forgotten toward an end that will never be.

— From “Makeba: My Story”


Posted in Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Advice from a (Broken) Fortune Cookie

Disagree persuasively and respectfully.

Image result for sketchy of a broken fortune cookiePositively Purging-I welcome your feedbacks in the comments and your likes and passing the real life wisdom on to others as I embark on this new venture of “positively purging“, as I know each of these pieces represents something

Posted in Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Keep Calm and Carry On

When your living through a scary time, how can you stop those feelings from taking over? As a therapist, I have two sets of tools change strategies and acceptance strategies. They work even when you’re experiencing long-term uncertainty. Tools for change are things like taking care of yourself, exercising, trying to stay connected to friends and family and maintaining any amount of structure and joy and satisfaction that you can. At the same time, there’s acceptance, which is not the same as resignation. Acceptance is acknowledging that a situation is what it is and giving yourself permission to struggle, to meet a challenging time as best you can and forgive yourself for any shortcomings without judgement. To use a specific example, say I’m working with someone wo has a fear of public speaking. I would tell them, “You’re not going to make the anxiety go away before you get up and speak to this group. You are going to feel the anxiety and get up and talk. That is true acceptance: to feel the anxiety and do what you need to do anyway to live as best you can along with the negative emotions. -Ellen Hendriksen

Image result for calm a panic attack

Posted in Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment