My girlfriend and I just moved in together. (I relocated to her town.) We’re very happy, but I have a problem: The walls in our apartment are thin. And I often hear her use the bathroom without washing her hands afterward. This grosses me out! Can I raise this issue without making her feel bad? DAVE
Reading this inquiry, I agree with Philip “If you can’t figure out how to discuss awkward issues with your partner, your relationship is probably doomed.” I am a firm believer in being direct, but not mean. I think all couples should discuss having a safe space, and what that means for them. I often inform clients that a safe space allows you to be truthful and respectful, and to know what is said in that space stays in the space. In saying that, this individual can ask to go in their safe space and say, “After you use the bathroom, can you remember to wash your hands? It’s important to me.” This partner may feel embarrassed or defensive at first, but ultimately it opens a dialogue about hygiene. This partner may even enlighten him that she does not enjoy wasting water but keeps hand sanitizer and/or wipes in the vanity for this purpose. How would you handle this situation?
Usually there are 20 of us, or even more than that. Basically all my grandmother’s children, her grandkids, and her great-grandkids. We all sit around the table together, and there’s no space at all, and it’s one of the most fun things. But unlike any holiday ever before, this year’s dinner will be set for only five—my husband, my kids, and me. I got teary-eyed thinking about it.
But there will be some good things about it. I’ve tried to be creative a few times in the past—I’m a professional (I have my own bakery, Crust By Mack in Baltimore)!—and it has not gone over well with my family. They’re like, “Oh, you can do that for the cookout or for game night.” They want really traditional Thanksgiving food. But I wanna have some fun! These desserts are an homage to the traditions I can’t wait to get back to, except I’m putting my own spin on them this year. And I’m gonna put them right in the center of my table – Amanda Mack.
Do your parents have a storage unit? What’s your aunt’s Facebook password? Where does your sister keep her diaries? These may seem like minor concerns—but when a loved one becomes terminally ill or dies, knowing those simple details can take the mayhem out of mourning. “When a relative is in the ICU, you don’t want to be wondering who’s got the spare garage key,” says Amy Pickard, founder of the end-of-life planning business Good to Go.
A former freelance film and TV producer in Los Angeles, Pickard made her way into this work after her mother died suddenly in 2012, without a will. “I became an accountant, detective, lawyer, and housecleaner overnight,” she says. “I was in a grieving hellscape and grappling with cosmic questions while also trying to figure out which electric company my mom used.” The grueling estate-shuttering process took Pickard a year and a half. In 2015, she started Good to Go in order to help others avoid leaving behind, or having to deal with, a similar mess. “One friend calls me a death concierge,” she says.
A typical Good to Go session involves a potluck, cocktails, and a cheeky rock ’n’ roll death-themed playlist. (“Another One Bites the Dust”? Check.) Then guests—a gaggle of BFFs, a group of terminally ill seniors, a cluster of moms and daughters—are presented with the Departure File, a 50-page manual filled with every topic Pickard wishes her mom had addressed that isn’t covered in a will. It’s also available on her website (goodtogopeace.org). Though not a legal document, the guide covers ground both practical (Who should get your jewelry? Will someone inherit your pet?) and spiritual (Who should preside over your funeral? Do you even want one?). “People can be intimidated by how extensive the file is,” Pickard says. “But I say, as overwhelmed as you feel, imagine your family winging this without your instruction. Advance planning is an act of love.”
Pickard’s dad attended an early Good to Go gathering in 2015; he died a year later. “I remember standing in the ICU feeling relieved because I was rock-solid on what he wanted,” she says. “He prepared perfectly, so when he was on his deathbed I could just hold his hand. Thinking back to the peaceful look on his face still makes me cry.”
Today is an 8 — Adapt to professional changes. Look beyond what you can see to imagine new possibilities. Discipline and coordination can take advantage of an opportunity.
Positively Purging-I welcome your feedbacks in the comments and your likes and passing the real life wisdom on to others as I embark on this new venture of “positively purging“, as I know each of these pieces represents something…
A paper journal that you use for calendaring, for task lists, for doodling, for writing your grocery list, just all the things that are currently living in your brain — once you offload those things into a place, you know that you’ll be able to find that information again.,