In a longstanding relationship, we may know what we mean to the other person—but it still helps to say it. I recently went to dinner with a friend who was going through a rough time at work. We relaxed and chatted over wine and steaks, and as we said goodbye, she thanked me for my years of friendship and said she always appreciated my positive and can-do spirit. Even though my goal was to cheer her up, I ended up being the one who felt cherished.

That’s something you can do for your romantic partner. Dig deeper than giving general compliments that center on adjectives, such as “you’re beautiful” or “you’re so brilliant.” Instead, look for the verbs in your relationship, and get as specific as possible with both the person’s actions and the impact it had on you. For example: “When you unloaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen on Wednesday night, it made me feel loved and relieved that I didn’t have to do my chores during a busy work week.” Or even better, “It was an unexpected bright spot in my week that you found discount tickets to a dance performance. It broke me out of a gloomy week and helped me see beauty in the world.”