My twin brother and I exchange gifts on our birthday. In recent years, he’s gotten lazy about it. His presents often seem like last-minute efforts. This year was our 30th birthday, so I expected a little more. But when he arrived at my house, he said he’d left my present in his friend’s car and would give it to me later. It sounded fishy, and he never gave me a gift. Then came my husband’s birthday last month. My brother sent a birthday text and said a card and gift would arrive in the mail soon. Sure enough, nothing came. I’m more upset about my brother’s lying than the absence of gifts. Should I say something about his dishonesty or let this go? -Sister of Lying Twin?
The central problem isn’t lying, though — it’s grasping for easy outs. I would suggest she ask her brother if he would like to stop gift giving and start a new tradition such as meeting up for drinks or dessert. For most people it is not about the gifts, but the human connection. However, if the brother states he would still like to give gifts, the sister has the right to walk through the door and tell her brother about how the lack of gift giving affects her. What would you advise this sister to do ?
Real Life of an MSW 
I would suggest exactly what you did. I would ask him if it was time to change the birthday tradition. Sometimes people get busy. Sometimes there is a money shortfall. But honesty is always the best way to keep a relationship going.
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Honest communication is always the best policy, to problem solving. Thank you for reading.
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I’d suggest to let it go. People are aware of what they’re doing. They might not be aware of how it affects you and at that point, if they don’t care then I wouldn’t either. But I’ve just arrived at this point. Years ago I’d probably say something. But today I choose peace over everything.
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I have learned individuals are often not aware of their negative behaviors until they are pointed out to them. I, however, do agree it is okay to choose peace, as we are the only person, we have control over….
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