I think I’m to the point of needing end-of-life care, or soon will be, for my mom. It’s overwhelming to know what questions to ask, along with all the hard emotions. I know you’ve been through this. Any advice or places to turn to get a grip on all this? Some moments I can barely breathe, but I want to do the right thing by my mom— Anonymous

Anonymous: I’m sorry. All the feelings are right things, too.

Reputable hospice providers are a great resource for almost all of this, so ask your mom’s doctor. Some social workers specialize in end-of-life issues, too, and the federal Eldercare Locator can help you find local providers.In my experience, the kindest gift we can give people at the end of their lives is our willingness to listen without letting our own stuff get in the way. Ask your mom whether there’s anything she wants, needs, wants to say — and assure her you are there to meet her needs the best you can, and “please don’t worry about upsetting me.” Be prepared with basic incremental questions, such as: “I want to honor your wishes. Are you comfortable talking about them?” Some hospitals have outpatient or community-oriented palliative-care teams. They work with patients and their families every single day providing the kind of guidance you are seeking. I’m a big advocate for having those important end-of-life conversations. It’s always “too soon” until it’s too late. One helpful resource is theconversationproject.org.