I lived in California for eight years until my brother was diagnosed with cancer and I decided to move to Arizona to help care for him. I had been working in a new role for about six months when my brother was diagnosed, but my company offered to let me work remotely.
I return to California for work about four or five times a year. Recently, on a Zoom call with co-workers, there was discussion about happy hour and making sure to “have fun” with my co-workers outside work when I’m in California. I like to use these trips, in my non-working hours, to visit old friends and family. I don’t want to spend time with co-workers outside normal business hours, but I feel bad saying “no” since the company is paying for my flight. Am I more obligated to attend these social gatherings because my job is paying for travel? Is it OK to be honest and say I’d rather keep my co-worker time to office hours or should I just lie and say I’m busy every night? — Anonymous
You are only obligated to do your job when you travel to California. They are paying for your flight because you are going there for work. They are not, in doing so, staking a claim on all your free time. I suspect your colleagues are trying to make you feel welcome and to offer you options for socializing in case you don’t know anyone in the area. You certainly could be honest and say you don’t want to hang out, but that might create unnecessary tension. Another version of the truth is that you already have evening plans while you are there but very much appreciate the generous invitation.
Real Life of an MSW 
May I suggest a brief occasional appearance (5-6 pm?) with the excuse that you have dinner plans. That way, you aren’t offending anyone but also not being dragged into a routine you don’t want to join.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had a similar suggestion. Depending on how you feel about these coworkers, you could pick one brief event to touch base with them, then spend the bulk of your free time there with family and friends.
LikeLiked by 2 people
That is a great solution for finding personal and professional balance. —Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I like the idea of putting a time limit around the professional outing. I would go one step further and suggest the individual set the alarm on their phone. So, they are present in the moment. —Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great idea! Yes, you don’t want to have to keep looking at your phone. It defeats the purpose of connecting with your co-workers – or anybody, for that matter. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a great idea
LikeLiked by 1 person
I struggled with this as a young lady because I was married to a minister and I was in the church deeply back then. So, I didn’t partake in activities outside of work. But when we divorced and I went into the world I tried attending work functions because it looks like you’re a team player and what not. I was also at that time interested in promotions. Hind sight, I don’t know if it benefits you any either way. These companies do budgets every year and they know what they have budgeted for raises and who they’re going to promote. So, today I’d say be honest. If it doesn’t hurt your morals and values, stop by and say hello and keep it pushing. But don’t ever jeopardize your morals and values for anyone.
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤ —Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome
LikeLiked by 1 person