I am religious and generally conservative. A good friend who is a “free spirit” commented on the fact that I do not allow my son, 24, and his longtime girlfriend to sleep together in my house, saying this could contribute to delaying his becoming a fully functioning adult. He lives at home, is working on finding a job but has no prospects at the moment. His girlfriend also lives with her parents. And just to give you a fuller picture, I have another son who lives with his girlfriend of many years, and I do not allow them to sleep together when they visit, either.Do you think I am doing any harm by maintaining this rule in my home?
Reading this query, my first thought was why the hell is this any of the friend’s business? My second thought was your house, your rules. I am sure this 24-year-old son is not new to his mother’s religious and generally conservative attitude and will find other ways to spend time with his girlfriend once he has obtained a girlfriend. It seems like his focus now is, as it should be at his age, on finding a job. I am unsure how this can delay his becoming a functioning adult. I hope his mother’s rules teach him boundaries, and to stand behind what you believe in. I am also not a big fan of Carolyn, as her reply was “your approach, arguably, could come to harm your relationship with your sons, as they accumulate distance between themselves and their childhoods and lose patience accordingly for morality, policing, and rules. What if they have children with these women? What then?” To this mother I would say stand strong, and if the grandchildren you may have some day start to question this, great. I believe it will open the door for a great conversation around religion and different political views. Regarding adults visiting, they are working adults and should be able to afford a hotel, stay with friends, or deal with their mothers’ rules. I would love to know what advice you would offer this mother.