Boundaries

I am a recently divorced woman. I started a new job about six months ago. I am in middle management and enjoy the work very much.

One of my (male) colleagues has asked me around three times what my marital status is.

Normally I’m pretty open about my life, but this query puts me off. I’ve dodged the question, but I’m wondering how you think I should handle it.– Curious Colleague

Dear Curious: Don’t dodge. This is a natural instinct, but dodging just pushes this down the road.

If he brings up your marital status again, you could respond with the classic: “Why do you keep asking me this?”

Understand that when you do so, you open yourself up to his (possibly disingenuous) answer.

Regardless of how he responds, you should state: “That’s personal, and I don’t want to discuss it. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t bring this up again.”

Stating that this personal curiosity bothers you should end it.

He needs to back all the way off. If he persists after you ask him to stop, he cannot claim that these are stray remarks, and your co-worker is opening himself up to violating company policy and a possible harassment claim.

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8 Responses to Boundaries

  1. Good advice – especially to focus on the process rather than the issue

    Liked by 1 person

  2. adguru101's avatar adguru101 says:

    Or she could joke about it, e.g., “Why? Are you in love with me already?”

    Liked by 1 person

    • msw blog's avatar msw blog says:

      Her joke may open the door for future harassment and flirting, as there is often a bit of truth in every joke. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

      • adguru101's avatar adguru101 says:

        Fair point. I was thinking that diffusing the situation with humor might be better received than a confrontation. In my first “real” job in my 20’s — many years ago — I was routinely harassed and I learned that there are ways to make your point without making enemies. Just sayin’.

        Like

      • msw blog's avatar msw blog says:

        I agree with you, but she already told this poor guy three times she is NOT interested in sharing her personal life…

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Boundaries. MUST have!

    Liked by 1 person

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