My husband and I live near his parents. They are very nice people, but they have a terrible habit of showing up at our house uninvited. Like they’re out doing errands and then they just stop in.

Honestly, I do not like this at all. I grew up in a small town with lots of family around, but we would never do this. We might call when we were on the way and ask if we could pop by, but I don’t think in my whole life I ever had a family member show up at my house without any prior notification. If they did, I would think there was an emergency.

Last weekend they showed up and because we weren’t expecting company, our house was a complete shambles. We mainly keep it neat, but on this day it was awful. I was so embarrassed.

What should I do?

– Upset Wife

Dear Upset: You should tell them, “You really do need to call first if you want to stop in. I want to spend time with you, but could you please call first to give us a choice about whether it’s a good time for us?”

Ask the question and wait for their answer. If they don’t say “yes,” ask it again in a way that demonstrates that for you, this is not really negotiable.