Seventeen years of my life were spent being kicked, punched and beaten. I was choked, shamed, told I was worthless, starved, berated -– you name it.
My relatives saw what was happening, but my mother would tell them I was such a terrible child I deserved worse than I was getting. If someone had just once asked me what was going on, I would have gladly told them. But I wasn’t allowed to speak to anyone unless Mother said it was OK.
Children should feel safe in their own homes. Unfortunately, abuse goes on right under people’s noses. I’m willing to bet that many people reading this know someone who is being abused, but the person is too embarrassed to admit it. Victims are made to carry the guilt of the abuser, so they become masters at hiding it. I was told I was so bad no one would believe me. I was too afraid to confide in my teachers or friends for fear of retribution. I had been warned that if I ever told, I would be beaten beyond recognition.
By the way, if you’re wondering where my father was during all this, he was right there -– watching. He was as afraid of my mother as I was.
I finally moved out at the age of 17. Mother always said if I didn’t like the way she treated me, I could leave any time. I think she was more surprised than anyone else when she saw me packing my belongings. Within an hour I was gone.
To this day, every interaction I have with her is painful. She denies everything, even though many of my relatives have told her they witnessed her abuse. While I have moved on, she is depressed and talks about suicide. I will accept no responsibility for her depression. She should have gotten her act together a long time ago. -– SURVIVOR
DEAR SURVIVOR: In your case, that’s healthy thinking. You have suffered enough for a lifetime. Your abusive mother could outlive you. Let your “loving family” deal with her. Keep your distance and do not allow yourself to be manipulated.
What a raw and heart wrenching post. I wish you peace in your heart as you move forward in your life. To survive is to thrive. 🙏
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That is not my personal story. It comes from a “Ask Amy column” I decided to share it here so others may find strength, courage, and inspiration. I also find it to be a reminder for us all to check in on our friends and family.
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My mom would probably be surprised too when I finally leave. They believe they will always have us around to be their punching bags…
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May you have the courage to do so, and the positive support you need to start on your journey to wellness, and to break the cycle of generational curses in your family.
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Thank you 🙏🏽
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