My brother has been incarcerated for several years for drug offenses. This has been extremely painful for our entire family, but I love him and try to keep in touch with him.

My wife and I have two children, ages three and five. They are starting to understand various family ties and recently saw a picture of me and my brother from childhood. They have started asking about him, and my wife and I are wondering what to say.

Do you have suggestions?

– Loving Dad

Dear Dad: Children at these ages are starting to differentiate between family members, and are especially interested in siblings. In fact, many young children express amazement that their parents were ever children themselves, and that they even have siblings.

This is why family photos and memories are so intriguing and important to share.

Tell your kids about your brother, and share positive memories of him from your childhood. Tell stories about some of the things you two used to do together.

When they ask where he is, you should express that “he broke some important rules and laws and got into trouble. He was sent to jail, and he has to stay there for a while. I miss him, but I keep in touch with him by sending him letters. I’ve told him all about you two and he is excited to meet you someday.” (They might like to send him some drawings or letters, too.)

Your kids will likely ask what rules he broke, and you can say that he made some bad choices, and didn’t hurt anybody – but he did hurt himself.

Answer your children’s questions, but don’t overload them with details. As they get older you can expand on your explanations.