I have a person I would consider my best friend, almost a sister. However, I’m noticing over the last few years that I am the person she complains to — understandable, she has a terrible husband and job — which would be fine with me, except I’m noticing that’s all I am. If she goes out, I’m not invited. If I invite her to go out, she’s always busy with her kids. A few months ago, she had a milestone birthday, and I offered to take her out, to the point where I was insisting — her husband was, as usual, MIA — but she refused, saying she didn’t feel like it, then went on a weekend with some friends and dinner with others. I’ve tried to bring this up gently, but she’s wrapped up in husband and work drama. Given the drama, I’m worried about bringing it up less gently, as I’m her only outlet. Do I just ride this out? We used to do more together, but honestly, I think our relationship has always been a little co-dependent with respect to complaining about husbands (although I am now divorced). Advice? — Good Enough for Complaints, Not Good Enough for Drinks

Good Enough for Complaints, Not Good Enough for Drinks: If she is indeed a “best” friend, almost “sister,” then you can say, “When you turn down my invitations and then go out with other friends, I feel like your complaint friend, not your real friend,” without worrying that it will end your friendship/sisterhood.

“Gently” is not getting it done, clearly.