Proposing

I am planning to propose to my girlfriend in a few weeks. She knows it’s coming, we’ve discussed it, no real surprises.

I think a ring would be sweet and meaningful, and she loves jewelry. The problem is she outearns me significantly, and there is nothing within my price range that’s anywhere near as good as what she could buy for herself. I know that’s not the point, and she would NOT care, but the gesture loses something if the ring is subpar.

Is there a simple ring that’s worth buying even if it’s not impressive to the recipient? Having creative block is making the anticipation a little less buzzy.

— Proposing

Proposing: Having a ring custom made can be so much more precious than generic-expensive. The materials can be as humble or fine as your budget allows. A girlfriend who loves jewelry has favorite things you can photograph, right? Share them with an artisan to get design ideas. You can include or not include your girlfriend in the design process — there are advantages to both.Or: Go vintage (again, bring photos to show the salesperson) or resale. Traditional engagement rings sell for way less used than new; it’s just one extra little kick in the chops for people going through a divorce, but good news for ring shoppers like you.

Other readers’ suggestions:

Re: Ring: If you have already discussed marriage, what’s to propose? You ARE engaged.

— Anonymous

Anonymous: Oh, let them do their thing.

Re: Ring: Another option for a ring is a lab-grown diamond ring. Less expensive and ethically sourced and also very beautiful!— Anothernonymous

Anothernonymous: I want one as big as a Ring Pop.

Re: Ring: For our entire relationship, I’ve always outearned my husband, often by a 2:1 ratio. He bought me an engagement ring he could afford. It’s perfect, and I love it. It matters that it’s from him, and what matters even more is that we’ve been married over 13 years and have survived two cross-country moves, pandemic lockdown with two small kids and irreconcilable agreements over which “Pride and Prejudice” adaptation is better, and we still make each other laugh every day.

· Use a silly toy ring, and you can look for your wedding bands together, and maybe work with an artisan on them together. I so rarely wear my engagement ring — even though it’s small, it kind of gets in the way and requires cleaning — but I keep my band on while doing everything, including cooking, pottery, etc.

· Girlfriend who outearns her partner here. What would make an engagement ring meaningful and significant to me is that it is the ring that my partner picked out for me and proposed to me with. Money comes easily to me, so something being expensive doesn’t add to its emotional weight.

· I know there are women who care more about the price tag than the ring, but who wants to marry one of them? Pretty sure, from the tone of your post, your intended doesn’t fall into that category. Choose from your heart, and the ring will speak to hers.

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6 Responses to Proposing

  1. adguru101's avatar adguru101 says:

    Great topic! Yes, the fact that your beloved chose it is the most important thing. That said, I get that he doesn’t want to cheap out either.

    An eternity ring would cost significantly less than a solitaire, has a lot of sparkle, and is nicely unexpected. A platinum 5 ct ring should be well under 10k. Love the idea of vintage too, especially if that is her style in clothes or furniture.

    I personally would not go the “lab diamond” route as they have little longterm value and it seems to me that the goal there is to buy bigger (i.e, trying to impress, which is counterproductive). IMHO, cut and color (at least F or G) are the most important of the 5Cs.

    Congrats!

    Liked by 1 person

    • msw blog's avatar msw blog says:

      “Yes, the fact that your beloved chose it is the most important thing.” That PART, I am always stunned that individuals make such a huge financial and emotional purchases without consulting their partner.  Thank you for reading and commenting.

      Like

      • adguru101's avatar adguru101 says:

        I agree. My first husband and I chose a vintage ring together after he had proposed. He knew how picky I am about jewelry! It was a bit more complicated with my second (current) husband because we were keeping the announcement under the radar. So he gave me a very small band I could wear with other rings.

        Years later, we jointly chose a more typical engagement ring. (And btw I’ve always earned more than he did so we found something I liked that didn’t blow the budget.)

        That said, this groom could make an appointment for the two of them with a jeweler and that date could be part of the proposal. He might even set aside a couple of options in advance.

        Also, if she has a favorite color, he might consider an alternative to a diamond, e.g., a sapphire surrounded by small diamonds (Princess Di style).

        It really depends on whether or not she likes surprises.

        xx Alisa

        Liked by 1 person

  2. adguru101's avatar adguru101 says:

    p.s., I would love to know how this turned out!

    Liked by 1 person

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