My 10-year-old is exhibiting anxiety about changes to routines or scheduled activities recently. It seems fairly developmental, and kid and I talk through it when it crops up.

I have diagnosed anxiety and it’s well in check, but my spouse saw it pre-diagnosed and keeps saying, “We need to take her in for an evaluation.”

It feels personal to me in a way I haven’t been able to fully articulate other than to say, “I think what’s going on is common.” How do I proceed in this conversation?

— Parent

Parent: The two aren’t mutually exclusive — it can be common and your kid can be better for appropriate intervention. It can be developmental and clinical.

Adolescence, baby.

Re: Anxiety: Is it possible to reframe your spouse’s comments about an evaluation for your daughter as validation of your experience, rather than a personal attack? They’ve known you before and after getting support; they’ve seen how proper support has helped your brain rest easier. Your spouse wants your daughter to be able to have the same experience, if in fact her anxiety rises to that level.

The fact that your spouse wants your daughter to be screened means they view anxiety as serious, important and manageable.

— Reframer

Reframer: Great point. Applicable beyond this one condition, too. Thank you.

Re: Anxiety: Get your child evaluated. My daughter had anxiety as a child, and it turns out it was the tip of the iceberg. She was later diagnosed in college with ADHD and is on the spectrum. She is wicked smart and was able to compensate and mask pretty well, so no one, not her teachers, doctor or parents, suspected. It took the friends she met in college who had these diagnoses as children who recognized the symptoms.Now she’s trying to play catch-up. It would have been a lot easier for her if someone had caught it in grade school, but she fell through the cracks because, like most girls on the spectrum and with ADHD, she didn’t present with the familiar symptoms like bouncing off the walls.

— Another Parent

Re: Anxiety: Your kid needs to learn those coping skills, too. Please get her into therapy so she can learn them. Or yoga or meditation classes. She needs to be able to cope on her own as well as with you.

— Anonymous

Anonymous: Thanks — but it doesn’t have to be either-or … and it’s not just for kids with anxiety, either. Stress management skills belong on everyone’s life curriculum.