Yesterday my teenage son was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds. Two months ago, my teen daughter was diagnosed with depression and put on meds. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom their whole lives and, along with my husband, their dad, have done my absolute best to raise them to be healthy and happy.

We love them immeasurably and do our best every day to support, listen to and nurture them. I’m feeling like such a failure that both my kids are struggling. Can you help me frame this better? How did I screw up the one incredibly important thing I was supposed to be doing?

— Mom Failure

You got your kids the help they need! You’re doing your job. Your listening, support and nurture are what they need as they learn to manage these conditions — whether these are isolated episodes or the beginnings of chronic conditions. They’re often genetic, meaning no amount of maternal magic would have preempted them. (And no, your genes aren’t your fault, either.) Reflect on your choices to learn, absolutely — but not to beat yourself up. No point.

A cautionary reframe might help, too: To declare yourself a “failure” because your kids have mental health diagnoses is a form of shaming, as if such diagnoses are so awful that no good parent would ever let them happen and no child can succeed with them. Struggle is universal. How people deal with struggle is what determines health, happiness, success. Including yours, as a parent, as you struggle to meet your kids’ needs.

Readers’ thoughts:

-Honestly, you should be so proud of yourself for getting your kids treatment — that’s good parenting.

– You are not a Mom Failure, but a Mom Success. You got your kids help. If you replaced anxiety and depression as the diagnoses with kidney disease and heart murmur, would you consider yourself a failure? Mental health is one category of health concerns.

-Seeing my kids struggle is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and I question myself constantly, but I feel better having put together a team of professionals like our pediatrician, therapist, psychiatrist and school support. You may want to reach out to friends because I bet more of them are in your same boat than you know. We’re living in difficult times.

– Don’t think it’s your “fault.” At least until your kids start blaming you. That’s a special hell of its own. No need to enter it voluntarily.