Recently, I learned through the newspaper that the son of our contractor died, apparently by suicide. We know the contractor only through work. He has done several big renos on our house over the past 15 years and a few small jobs. None of these are recent, but he would remember us, and we are quite likely to use his services again.

His son was the same age as ours, and I feel so bad for him and wonder whether we should send a condolence card. Or whether that would just be intrusive. Oscar Wilde’s fearing to intrude on a sorrow he could not lighten comes to mind.— Anonymous

Anonymous: How devastating. One way to weigh your decision: The pain of such a loss is staggering. The pain of not having that loss acknowledged by one’s village, especially a death by suicide, is terrible. The pain of receiving an unwanted card is trivial to the point of irrelevance.

In other words, send the card. It’s the least intrusive form of compassion. Keep the message simple and direct (helps avoid missteps): “We saw the news of your son, and are so sorry for your loss.”