I recently spent the night with an old friend. We had a 50-year anniversary visit. We are thrilled to be reunited. My friend went out of her way to make me welcome and comfortable in her home overnight. That included washing the bed linens having used fabric softener and/or dryer sheets. The bed was overwhelmingly perfumed by these products to the extent that I was coughing and effectively lost a night‘s sleep.

The opportunity exists to spend more time in the future in her home, however, I cannot sleep in her guest room with those chemicals in play. How do you suggest I approach this one?– No Aromas, Please

Dear Aromas: The easiest way is probably to bring your own sheets/linens if you have the space in your luggage. And it’s fine to mention it in advance. “I’m sensitive to scents and chemicals, so I’m going to bring my own sheets. I just wanted to let you know. I don’t want you to go out of your way and I want to be rested enough to enjoy our time together.”

This also gives your friend the opportunity to modify the way she hosts. She might hear this and volunteer to wash the linens without fabric softener. It’s easy enough to do. The most direct option is to ask her: “would you mind not using any scented chemicals on the sheets in your guestroom?” I list this option last not to be passive, but because it may not completely solve your issue. If she’s using the fabric softener consistently on all her other laundry, there may be residual aromas that you pick up on. The bigger idea here is that good hosting and being a good guest are both reliant on clear communication. Guests and hosts shouldn’t be afraid to ask for what they need, respectfully, reasonably, and kindly. It sounds like your friend was happy to do whatever she could to make you feel at home. It stands to reason, then, that she’d be happy to make an adjustment if it made you even more comfortable. Likewise, it sounds like you’re happy to do what you can to clear the path for a more enjoyable time. This is all good news. Enjoy your next visit.