My wife recently passed away and I am doing OK. Several of my wife’s senior children keep wanting to come and visit me. How do I politely say no without hurting their feelings? When they have come before, I was stressed as to how to entertain them for a week. They think I am being helped by their visit but actually I would prefer visiting by phone and emails. Any suggestions? – No Visitors Yet
Dear Visitors: I’m sorry for the loss of your wife. This kind of grief – recent and all-encompassing – can be very hard and we have to take it day-by-day. Loved ones are often at a loss for how to meaningfully help. So, a kind directness is going to be your best friend here. Tell the kids the truth: you love them, but you don’t have the capacity right now. Tell them that phone calls and emails are really what will help you the most right now. Sometimes people need to be given a little guidance for how to show up. They’ll appreciate the nudge, and you’ll all have better, less stressful (virtual) visits.
Real Life of an MSW 
excellent advice
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clear communication is always essential, as no one can read minds.❤ —Thanks for taking the time to read,and comment.
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you are so right – and many years ago, when we had to deal with an ex-wife and visitations – my husband and I called it “triple checking in” with her (and then it applied elsewwere) but that extra checking in with her -for all that clarity – really paid off. And he would sometimes phrase it, “Hey, I know we covered this, but can we go ove rit again…”
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I was always taught that no is a complete sentence and I taught my children that. So, I’d simply say, “no do not come!”
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I agree that “no” is a complete sentence. However, I believe there are exceptions to this rule where providing a bit more information is appropriate, and I feel that grief is one of those exceptions.❤ —Thanks for taking the time to read,and comment.
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But only if I feel that I need to give more of a response will I do that. If I don’t I won’t! you’re welcome!
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