Can You Step Up Financially !

How do I tell my cheap girlfriend that she needs to pitch in? We’ve been dating for over a year. On the rare occasions she takes me out, I have to pay for at least part of it. She’s even gone as far as saying that she’s taking me out, but then (miraculously) I end up paying!

For example, she recently “treated” me to a “free” comedy show. I ended up buying dinner for both of us.

One show she took me to cost me $120 in souvenirs and booze.If she buys dinner, I pay tax and tip. When I take her out, I end up paying for everything — ticket costs, dinner, transportation.
Her cost of living is much higher than mine, so I always used this as an excuse, but I recently lost my job, and she has managed to pay for two solo vacations this year.
Do I speak up when the bill comes? Before we go out? Sit down now and have a serious talk?


I just don’t know how to address this without coming off as resentful.— Feeling Used

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I find myself once again mostly agreeing with my favorite columnist, Amy. “If you had started this process when your relationship was in its earlier stages, either it would have been fixed by now or you might be in a different relationship with someone who shares these values. Although you should never have to justify being honest about your own feelings, you recently lost your job, and this presents the perfect reason to have “the talk.”

This is where Amy lost me. I found the speech she offered him too wordy, and it makes him sound bitter and regretful to be in the relationship. I would have advised him to keep it simple with “Now that my situation has changed, can we work together to make our spending more balanced?” This will not only open a dialogue for a financial conversation, but his girlfriend’s response should help him determine whether he would like to continue the relationship.  What would you do?

 

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5 Responses to Can You Step Up Financially !

  1. Your approach is exactly right. Lead him – don’t write the script

    Liked by 1 person

  2. adguru101 says:

    He may have sent signals early on — perhaps out of pride?– that he was financially secure. And she might be traditional, rather than “cheap”. I agree — open the discussion and then see where it goes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • msw blog says:

      I agree people have diffrent money mind sets and personal definition of value. Which are often shaped by how they grew up. So having a honest open conversation about money and its meaning is the only way to move forward.

      Like

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