I recently visited friends who moved to another state. I’ve known them for more than 20 years.

This recent visit was my fourth visit to their new home.

The problem is that my friend doesn’t seem to feel responsible for having food in her house for guests.

This is the second time I’ve visited and have found myself buying my own food.

The first night, she and I went to their club for dinner, after which we went to a supermarket because my friend needed some things for herself.

I realized that if I wanted breakfast or a glass of wine, I needed to buy it.

try to be a generous and easy guest, so I picked up the tab at the supermarket (yes, I even bought rubber gloves for my friend, among other things!).

I’m sorry I didn’t do a complete scouring of their pantry, because when you might expect to be offered some noshes before dinner, she offered nothing. I found myself scrounging in their closet for something to eat.

My friend does have severe Crohn’s disease, so she has to be very careful about what she eats.

Her husband, who is a foodie, seems to know better, but for most of my recent visit, he was not there.

What is a realistic expectation in this circumstance?

When I have houseguests, I provide!

Your feedback?

– Want to Nosh

The query reminded me of one I wrote ages ago when I was maybe 18/19 and in undergrad. I state my age because this woman seems to be clueless and has no concept of what true friendship is. I love Amy’s reply “Your friend is treating you to housing and presumably some quality friendship-time. She also hosted you for dinner at their club (that’s one meal she provided). Ideally, after the first time this happened, you would have anticipated this understandable need of yours, and – along with a thoughtful gift for the household – would have brought your favorite groceries to the house. After accepting the next invitation, you could tell her, “I’m going to pick up a few groceries. Do you have room in your fridge? And can I bring anything for you?”

How do you handle food and houseguests? I have to say, Abby always purchases food I love for my monthly visits, mainly fresh fruit and juice. I love this kind (unnecessary) gesture as it shows a level of care and excitement for visitors.  In my own home I keep a well-stocked pantry and kitchen, but also like to take guests to my local farmers market and one of three specialty shops, allowing them to get a sense of the culture and pick out things they may enjoy as well.