Unspoken Past

Why would my wife keep love letters and other keepsakes from past relationships and not tell me about them? I happened upon these boxes in the basement after a recent flood. It’s very confusing, especially since I told her all about my life before her and now, I discover all these secrets. – Confused

My first thought is we ALL have a pass, and we are entitled to one.  Though if he wishes to bring up the issues, I agree that he try genuine-and-not-manipulative levity: “Anyone I need to worry about?” Then, wait till you hear her reasoning before you decide you have a problem with it.  Though Carolyn summed it up when she stated “These are artifacts of a life.  Her life.  Especially since the keepsakes represent relationships-plural, not just one, I find it hard to imagine they have meaning beyond nostalgia — and even then, it’s probably nostalgia more for her youth than for the exes themselves.”

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6 Responses to Unspoken Past

  1. adguru101 says:

    After I got married, I threw out most of the cards and love letters from someone who’d been very special to me long before I met my husband, but I’ve kept a few letters from later years when we’d reconnected. Why? Our affair had been complicated and they remind me not to remember the relationship in an overly rosy light. My husband knows about him and might be surprised that I kept these, but if he read them he would understand.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My ex didn’t had them from me but b/4 we moved from Ga to TX, we were cleaning out his storage and there was a box of the many women he slept with. He threw them out then but that should have been a red flag to run and run fast.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Me says:

    I had a box of letters from high school and college boyfriends that my then fiancé asked me to dispose of. I did it so as not to cause a fight and to prove I was committed. Twenty six years later I have regrets about that. They were part of my past and I would like to be able to look back now and see who I was through those missives. It’s all nostalgia, but no one should toss their nostalgia at someone else’s request. Your path was your path. Why try to pretend it didn’t exist? Why judge anyone for acknowledging they had a life before you came along?

    Liked by 1 person

    • msw blog says:

      Well said! I believe when an individual asks one to separate with a part of their self, it opens the door for a greater conversation between both parties. You state this well with the line “Your path was your path. Why try to pretend it didn’t exist?


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