Hoarder’s Friend

Posted on January 26, 2026 by msw blog

I have a friend of several decades and recently learned she is a hoarder. We always met outside our homes for coffee or lunch. I just assumed it was more convenient.

A few months ago, she texted to tell me she’s been embarrassed for me to find out her “secret”. She also asked me for help. I was thrilled and offered to help, but she refused to make a commitment.

Later I found out her therapist insisted she reach out to a friend for help. She also confessed she had no intention of letting me near her house. Her mother and daughter are quick to express their disgust at her “problem,” making her shame worse.

I feel nothing but compassion for my friend. I’d leave the problem alone except my friend does a fair amount of animal rescue, particularly cats and kittens. She said one of the rooms in her house is covered with uncleaned feces and mice droppings. I’m worried about her health. Pushing my friend will only make her withdraw. I can’t call authorities as we live in a small town, and she is a well-respected educator. Do you have any suggestions? – Hoarder’s Friend

Dear Friend: There are avenues for help but, as with any other compulsive behavior, she has to be willing to take a step toward them. You might give her the book “Buried in Treasure, Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving and Hoarding” by David F. Tolin, Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee, and even ask if she’d be willing to do a “book club” with you about it. Perhaps reading a chapter a month or a week. You might also suggest she give herself the homework of discussing the chapter with her therapist.

Additionally, it may be time to reach out to someone else who has more extensive training. I know you don’t want to expose her to public scrutiny or embarrassment, but the threat to her health and the health of her pets may necessitate bringing in some authorities. Shame can be managed, the loss of life can’t and many people who hoard live in places that pose extreme risk for fire and can trap themselves or firefighters inside.

Your local or state health department will have resources for people who hoard. Many have so-called “hoarding task forces” with connections to police, fire and mental health support. Often, they’re trained in sensitivity and discretion. I encourage you to reach out.

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The Well Garden Mind

Posted on January 26, 2026 by msw blog

The Well Garden Mind Rediscovering nature in the modern world by Sue Stuart- Smith (2020, 286 pages). If you judge a book by its cover, you may think that The Well-Gardened Mind is a self-help book in which Stuart-Smith argues how people can transform their lives and improve their mental health by taking up the hobby of gardening. A more discerning reader, however, will know that Sue Stuart-Smith, who is prominent psychiatrist and psychotherapist, unravels the working of the land as a psychodynamic process, she exposes deep truths about the interconnectedness of the mind, the body, and what lies outside us, and she does so with a winning mix of verve and generosity. Telling brilliant, illuminating stories of real-life examples backed by scientific evidence to illustrate how prisoners, veterans, asylum seekers inner-city young, the elderly, and mentally ill people struggling with stress, depression, trauma, and addiction. This is a glorious science book, insight and anecdote that shows how our understanding of nature and its restorative powers can benefit all of us from the mental health and spiritual recovery that comes with tending to a plot of land or an ordinary house plant.

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Acts of Kindness

Posted on January 25, 2026 by msw blog

RANT AND RAVE Rant to complaints about Little Free Libraries that don’t look “maintained.” If you think it’s messy, straighten it up while browsing. These are a community resource, and it takes many hands to keep them neat and well-fed with books. Rave for all the libraries in our neighborhood that provide a great way to find children’s books, weird novels and learn new things.

RAVE to the TSA PreCheck agents at Sea-Tac Airport the other day. What a pleasant surprise at the great attitude of the agents, even during the government shutdown. Special thanks to the agent who was directing passengers through the X-ray machine. He had a positive/funny comment for every passenger, making each one of us smile.  

RAVE to the Teatro ZinZanni staff. This dumbo screwed up his reservation and then showed up on the wrong day. The staff found us a great table and treated us like long-lost friends. A spectacular night.

RAVE to our on-the-ground city workers. Our son, who faces serious mental health challenges, disappeared this week. Our amazing community of friends hit the streets, posting flyers and talking to transit workers, maintenance workers and those within the social networks of the city, including the CARE coordinators and MID workers. Every one of them was helpful. In the end, they helped us find our son and get him home to us. Thank you to all those who work on and around the streets and transit hubs in Seattle. You reminded my family and our community of friends why Seattle is a great city. 

RAVE to the city of Seattle trash collector who waved at me through the window and then waited patiently for me to drag the trash can to the curb after I had forgotten to put it out. They have been unfailingly courteous and efficient since we moved in. 

RAVE to the woman at the Kirkland PCC who helped me back out of an impossibly tight parking space. I was OK going in, but was stuck between two concrete posts, no matter how I maneuvered, trying to back out. She guided me out inch by inch while standing in front of my car and even adjusted my side mirrors twice. I was so relieved to have finally made it, I don’t think I thanked you enough or told you how much your taking time to help meant to me.

RAVE to a jogging passerby on the Interlaken bike trail who introduced herself as a photographer. After complimenting our little trio — my 5-year-old son, our dog and me — for having such delightful energy on a wet and soggy morning, she offered to take our picture. As a solo parent, I have very few photos of the three of us that aren’t selfies. Thanks to her, we now have a beautiful professional shot for our holiday cards!

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The best mail I ever received

Posted on January 25, 2026 by msw blog

In the back of one of my closets is an unopened FedEx box from my mother. My 92-year-old mom died on March 8, 2019, and this box was delivered on March 11, 2019, as though it was mailed by the dead.

The box is probably nothing. Mom had trouble throwing things away, so she’d often mail discarded items to me, her only daughter, instead. I got a package about once a month, usually like this one: a box about the size of a soccer ball. I received several used tablecloths, her father’s plaid bathrobe, mismatched cutlery, her mother’s apple corer, suspenders, an ashtray (Mom hadn’t smoked in 70 years), wooden coat hangers and knee-high, fluorescent-orange socks. My unopened box probably contains broken pencils and used place mats, and maybe something she picked up for me at the Treasure Chest, her assisted-living facility’s thrift store. She once sent me a clown trivet she purchased there.

Right now, that package sitting unopened in my closet is the best piece of mail I’ve ever received — because it could contain anything. My mother and I had a difficult relationship, and toward the end of her life she would say, “Tell me something good you remember.” I would dredge up what I could. But now I wonder whether these boxes of broken things she habitually sent were her trying to discard her bad memories. Or were they an instrument of repair — gifts that she genuinely thought in her dementia would help me see how loving she really was? The only choice I have to make now, though, is how to receive her last gift — and how I’m going to construct my memory of her. I’m not ready to open that package yet.

Sarah Sloane

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The Dream

Posted on January 24, 2026 by msw blog

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.” —Yoko Ono

Positively Purging-I welcome your feedbacks in the comments and your likes and passing the real life wisdom on to others as I embark on this new venture of “positively purging“, as I know each of these pieces represents something…

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