I’ve reached the age when more and more people I care about are sick, ailing or dying.
I’m sympathetic and want to offer words of comfort, but most of what I can think of to say is stilted, shallow and sounds insincere to me – even as I’m saying it.
Where can I find more eloquent speech for these unfortunate situations?
Dear Tongue Tied: Hang eloquence. Just say … something.
Here’s a start:
“I just found out. I don’t really know what to say.”
“Oh no! I’m really sorry you’re going through this.”
“I’m just checking in … I’m thinking about you so often. How are things going for you?”
“Can I drive you to your treatment next week?”
“I made some soup; are you OK if I drop off a container?”
“I just found this picture of us from high school. We haven’t changed a bit!”
Do not:
Compare one person’s illness or loss to another person’s. (“My cousin’s husband had lymphoma. No big deal!”)
Tell someone that God or the universe won’t give them more than they can handle.
Make their hardship or suffering about you or your own experience.
Do: Be natural, compassionate, and adopt a listening stance.
When someone is suffering, simply having a calm, stalwart, and undemanding companion can help a lot.
Real Life of an MSW 
Sound advice. I had a client once who, when we finished, said that I had just let her cry for two years without saying anything and that if I had done anything different she would not have come back. This was of course a huge exaggeration, but it makes your points.
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What a great story. We all need emotional safety it is feeling secure enough to truly express yourself with someone and show up as your most authentic self.
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Oh my! If you don’t have nothing good to say don’t say nothing. And be careful of your thoughts, you have to exit one day too.
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