My wife of 40 years is a beautiful woman and always has been.
When younger, she turned many heads. To this day (when she wears makeup), she still is quite attractive.
The one caveat is that now that she is in her 70s, she has developed many wrinkles.
She frequently asks me if I think she is looking much older.
I would never upset her and so I fib and say “no.”
At times she will look at another woman who has lots of wrinkles and ask, “Do I have as many wrinkles as she does?”
I always say “…not even close,” although in some instances she does have as many.
Am I right to fib?
I could never see myself saying, “Yes, dear, you have a lot of wrinkles.”
I love her and it truly doesn’t matter to me.
Your thoughts?
when your wife expresses her deep insecurities, you might identify with her, rather than behave in a way that is dishonest or disingenuous.
Say to her, “Honey, look at us both. Look at our friends and family members. Take a good look. Every sign of our age means that we are alive. Our lumps and bumps are reminders that we have the privilege of living in our bodies. Our wrinkles are the map of our experiences.”
And when your wife brushes off your lofty musings, definitely deliver a kindly fib.
All of this would be much easier – for both of you – if you truly believed your wife was beautiful (as is!), and could say as much with absolute sincerity.
I hope you can.
