I have been divorced for five-plus years, co-parenting three kids in a very small town. It has been okay for the most part after a very acrimonious start. Two of the children are now off in college; one is still home. Their dad is going through some severe mental health challenges and is no longer speaking to me. He won’t do family counseling, refuses to attend joint events, sends unpleasant text messages, stuff like that. There wasn’t any big trigger or event between us; he just is not being as good a parenting partner as he has been in the past. My children have noticed and asked me questions. I don’t want to bad-mouth their dad, but I’d like them to know I have actively tried to repair the relationship and been rebuffed many times. How much, if anything, do I share with them?— Divorced
Divorced: It is not “bad-mouthing” the dad to say he has severe mental health challenges, if indeed he has severe mental health challenges. That is fact, and your kids deserve facts. Also, presumably, you would tell them if he missed joint events because he was immune compromised or had a chemo appointment — so, don’t treat some health problems as too shameful to say out loud. “Dad is dealing with ____, and right now he is not able to do things or interact as he has in the past. I am rooting for him and doing what I can. Please feel free to come to me if you have questions or need help with anything.”
