Real Life of an MSW

I lost my husband almost a year ago.

After the funeral a lot of promises were made by my friends and fellow church congregants that would always be there for me in whatever way I needed.

Those promises were sincere, I’m sure, but the majority just went on with their lives. I understand this.

My question is: Why make these promises if you can’t follow through?

Honestly, I would have appreciated a phone call to see how I’m doing, someone dropping in to visit, or inviting me out for coffee.

I’m all alone all week until my son visits on the weekend.

It’s been a lonely year.

– Lonely Widow

Dear Lonely: I’m so sorry for this loss, and certainly for the loneliness that has followed.

Oftentimes people make these promises after a loss, but don’t follow through in part because after the structured memorial events are over, we don’t seem to have any cultural roadmap for what to do next.

People are wary and uncomfortable navigating another person’s loss, but as you point out, it’s actually easy! A phone call, an invitation for coffee, a visit.

Instead, you likely feel dropped.

I hope you will be a little bit proactive here. How about if you make a phone call to ask a friend if they can meet you for coffee? Others who have lost spouses, especially, might jump at the chance to get together.

I also hope you’ll rejoin your church family. Ask your son to give you a ride and stay for coffee hour.