Frustrated by a relationship

When a loved one behaves in a way that bothers you, should you take a step back from the relationship or lean into it? Therapist KC Davis has shared some practical advice with Life Kit about how to move forward when these relationships become difficult. Davis has a few guiding questions to help you make the best decision for your situation.

🤝 Why is this behavior objectionable to you? This question can help you pinpoint the issue and decide how to move forward. It can help you determine if the behavior is something you don’t like or if it is hurtful.

🤝 Are they willing to change? You can have a conversation with the person about the problem and work on a solution together.

🤝 Does staying in this relationship violate my values? If a relationship threatens your physical and psychological safety, as well as the safety of minor children, it is against your values to continue engaging with that person.

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Linden Hills

Linden Hills by Gloria Naylor (1985, 304 pages) Linden Hills, like Bailey’s CafĂ©, is yet another complex book that I would not put in the “easy-to-read” category. I read this book over 20 years ago. I never forgot how wonderful, haunting, vivid, and compelling the story was. Naylor began Linden Hills while at Yale as a part of her thesis. It is a very clever reworking of Dante’s Inferno, revealing the dark empty heart of a Black community striving for status under white capitalism. Naylor’s skillful story development allows the reader to explore rich themes around race, class, sexuality, and more while getting lost in the unfolding narratives. Willie, the main character and narrator, along with his best friend Lester, takes us on a journey through the community of Linden Hills the week of Christmas, and its interesting neighbors. They introduce us to people like Luther Needed (all 3 of them), Willa Prescott-Needed, Rev. Michael T. Hollis, and Laurel Dumont to name a few. What the story reveals is greed, the need for power and more power, and the hierarchy of what they believed life to truly be. Some parts of the book can be confusing. Naylor switches scenes-and typeface to allow the reader to understand the historical roots of this story. The book is also filled with plenty of poetry but it’s interesting enough to keep you reading until the end. Naylor beautifully fuses together various parts of narratively disjointed fiction into one integrated whole, she also, through language, fuses “memory” to a present reality to create an integrated page turner.

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fiercely proud

“Your son might work in a grocery store bagging groceries for the rest of his life.”

Someone said this to me right after my son Jack was diagnosed with autism.

The words stuck with me for years.

I thought about them when he was in kindergarten. When he started fifth grade. When he was a teenager.

Fast-forward.

Jack is twenty-one now.

Today marks six weeks at his new job.

He works in a grocery store.

He cuts fruit in the produce department.

In this life alongside autism, I’ve learned it’s not always about the destination, but how you got there in the first place.

He filled out applications.

He went on interviews.

He studied the bus schedule and wore his best shirt.

And he got a job.

I’ve learned that a life lived differently is not a life less lived.

What a beautiful thing.

Please join me in congratulating my son Jack on his first six weeks at his job.

We are fiercely proud of him.

Carrie Cariello

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be well together

There will always be those whose impulse to hoard, exploit, and oppress is stronger than their impulse to harmoniously coexist, share, heal the collective, and be well together. We tilt the pendulum of our human condition by being rooted, passionate, devoted storytellers and gardeners of our divine earthly symbiosis.Dr. Jaiya John

Positively Purging-I welcome your feedbacks in the comments and your likes and passing the real life wisdom on to others as I embark on this new venture of “positively purging“, as I know each of these pieces represents something…

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core memory

I don’t know who told you it was too late.

Too late to feel wonder again.
Too late to create a memory that rewrites the story.
Too late to laugh so hard your ribs ache and your cheeks stay sore.
Too late to feel so safe that your body finally exhales

Maybe no one told you, maybe you just feel it, like I have many times.

Either way, I want to tell you something I know I’ve needed to be reminded of:
As long as life is still being lived, core memories can still be made.

Not just remembered from the past
Made in the present.Kobe Campbell 

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