Wondering Atheist

Posted on May 19, 2024 by msw blog

 I am an atheist and am keeping my spiritual beliefs close to my heart as they would offend most family members and friends who all, to various degrees, identify as believers (Christians or otherwise).

When a friend or a family member goes through seriously rough times or health issues (divorce, cancer etc.), and also in case of a friends’ or family member’s loved one’s passing, I still offer up the expected “thoughts and prayers,” as they don’t know that I’m an atheist.

I think it is the right sentiment to express support and comfort.

Yet every time I write or verbally express “thoughts and prayers,” I feel like a fraud. It feels completely empty to me.

In cards, I have expressed “My heart goes out to you,” “You are in my heart and in my thoughts,” “I feel your pain and wished I could lift it,” etc., and these were heartfelt sentiments.

Unfortunately, for me these sentiments just do not seem to have the same effect and impact as “prayers.”

“Prayers” is what people seem to react to, need, and ultimately thank me for.

Should I keep offering “prayers” although ultimately it’s an empty phrase to me, or express my feelings in other, more personal ways which do not mean quite as much to the concerned persons?

our point of view is greatly appreciated.

– Wondering Atheist

Dear Atheist: My point of view is that the “thoughts and prayers” phrase has been overused, misused, and sarcastically used so often that it has become a meme and therefore free of any specific meaning – regardless of the faith stance of the person using or receiving the phrase.

The personal phrases you use instead are thoughtful and sincere.

You seem to understand that “prayers” are more valuable to the recipient than your personal thoughts or healing hopes, but I would argue that you can’t really know what people actually hear or receive when they are suffering or under duress.

The most important thing is that you care and are offering yourself up as a concerned and supportive witness to someone else’s grief. This – is an extremely powerful expression of your humanity.kindnes

If someone specifically asks you to pray for them, you might be able to do so using the broader definition of the word, which is an “earnest wish.”

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How To Prevent Discomfort from Escalating into Distress

Posted on May 18, 2024 by msw blog

Change the scene. If you catch yourself spiraling — you can’t seem to catch your breath, you’re feeling anxious or you’re having trouble focusing — find a way to snap out of it. “Go outside, go to the bathroom, call a friend, take a few deep breaths,” says Cyrus. Your nervous system is being flooded with stress hormones, making it hard to calm down or see things clearly. So you need to interrupt the feelings that are overwhelming you by changing your environment, she adds.

Recount what happened. Go over the situation again and create a narrative, says Cyrus. This can help pinpoint what is giving you distress and jog your memory of details you may have overlooked that can add levity to the situation. Do this with a friend, a family member, a therapist — or even yourself, by journaling or “talking out loud as you walk your dog,” says Cyrus, as she likes to do.

Name your emotions. As you describe what happened, name your emotions, she adds. She recommends using the feelings wheel, a tool that can help you express your emotions more specifically (for example, instead of saying you simply feel “bad,” maybe you actually feel “indifferent.”) !!

Identify your triggers. Examine what gives you discomfort. For example, if you have terrible road rage, Cyrus says to have a conversation with yourself about it. You might ask yourself: Why am I prone to being so angry on the road? Is it because I am in a rush? Or is it because I hate sitting in traffic? Then, find ways to alleviate the situation. To avoid being rushed, maybe leave the house a half hour early. To avoid traffic, ask your boss if you can work from home a couple times a week. – NPR

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Pay a gratitude visit

Posted on May 18, 2024 by msw blog

Have you heard of this before? I hadn’t, but I love the idea. Take your spring energy and invest it in your loved ones. Evidence suggests that paying a gratitude visit can improve your relationships, says Laurie Santos, host of The Happiness Lab podcast.

How it works: jot down a few things you’re grateful for about a person in your life. Then meet up with them and read them what you wrote. 

People who receive these letters often report it’s one of the best moments in their life, says Santos. “But what’s more amazing is that these letters not only help the person who receives the gratitude — they also help the person who expresses the gratitude.”

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Confidence

Posted on May 18, 2024 by msw blog

“I’ve always been confident. I am unapologetic.
I stay firm on what I believe in, and, being a Black woman, I can do whatever I put my mind to.” – Angel Reese

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Tiny Triumphs

Posted on May 17, 2024 by msw blog

 tiny triumphs that deserve major applause.

  1. You woke up feeling refreshed. That’s a sign your sleep quality is on point.
  2. This weather. Go outside. Now that spring is near, the warmer temps and fresh air are wins for all of us!
  3. You got in some physical activity. Even if it was only 10 minutes or not your best effort, you moved your body.
  4. You cleaned something. Not up for tackling your entire home right now? Cleaning one room or doing a single load of laundry is one step closer.
  5. Saying “no.” “Checking in with yourself and recognizing when you’ve reached your capacity or when something just doesn’t feel like it’s serving you is a win,”
  6. You ate fruit or veggies. Even if you didn’t get the recommended 4 to 5 servings today, you’re baby-stepping your way to a healthier diet.
  7. You faced the day. Sometimes, simply getting out of bed, taking a shower and making it to work is worthy of celebration.
  8. You checked yourself. As much as you wanted to go off on you-know-who, you kept your cool.
  9. Crossing something off your to-do list. One task (or writing the list, period) is a victory.
  10. That mistake or wrong decision was a lesson. Did you learn from your mess up? If yes, awesome!
  11. Stepping outside your comfort zone. “When you’re pushing yourself outside of what feels comfortable, that’s where you find the most growth,” says Pate.
  12. You talked to someone new. Chatting with someone outside your usual peeps can help you expand your social circle, boost your mood and increase your knowledge.
  13. You said, “Yes.” Bravo for being open to new opportunities or doing something you really want to do.
  14. Choosing the healthier option. Passed on a juicy burger and fries and instead went with roasted rosemary chicken and potatoes? Good job!
  15. Having something to look forward to. Anticipation can help you through challenging times since you know something good — like meeting a specific goal or an upcoming birthday party — is happening in the future, says Dr. Mills.
  16. You finished work on time. Girl, get out of there and enjoy your day!
  17. Someone complimented you. Accept the compliment! You did that!
  18. You complimented someone. It’s your turn to spread some positivity. Giving compliments boosts the recipient’s mood and makes you feel good, too.
  19. You hit the pause button to beat stress. “Checking in with yourself and recognizing what it is you need, and then honoring it, whether that’s a break, mid-day nap or day off, is extremely important,” says Pate.
  20. You learned something new. Yes, a random fun fact or TikTok dance counts.
  21. You saved a little. Even if you don’t have a stash that could cover you for three to six months, small savings add up.
  22. You let it go. Remember, holding on to anger or grudges is “like drinking poison and expecting the other person to be harmed.”
  23. Something was funny. Laughter helps relieve stress and tension. If you haven’t laughed today, watch one of these funny Black TV shows.
  24. Finding a great parking spot. Yes!
  25. Time spent with family and friends. Cherish those moments.
  26. You read a book. Regardless if it’s twenty pages or two, it’s progress.
  27. Prioritizing yourself. Self-care comes with plenty of benefits.
  28. Drinking more water. Way to go! Especially if it means you downed less of the sugary stuff.
  29. You and your honey are A-OK. If all is good at the moment, enjoy!
  30. You asked for help. Seeking support, be it for a listening ear, advice or help from a mental health professional, may seem small, but it’s a huge accomplishment, says Dr. Mills.

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