Real Life of an MSW

“Long walks along the beach have been the most helpful for me. As I look out over the endless waves, I think about the waves of grief that continue to break over me even eight years after my husband’s death. Sometimes the waves are so big that it feels like I’ll never make it back up for a breath of air. Other times the ocean is relatively smooth and glassy, and I can’t help but smile and be thankful for the 20 amazing years that we shared before tragedy struck.” — Stephanie, 49

When my mother passed away in January 2019, I learned so much about myself and others. What I found most comforting were those who would share a memory of my mother and others who simply hugged me. A simple ‘I’m sorry’ was always appreciated,” says Maria, 64. “What I did not appreciate were those who felt the need to share their experiences. One neighbor went on for over 20 minutes about the death of his amazing mother.”

Barbara, 68, writes: “My brother died from suicide almost 30 years ago. Shortly after we returned from the funeral, a new friend came to the door and handed my husband a spiral ham. She didn’t come into the house but I heard her say, “I don’t know what to say so I brought you a ham.” That simple act of kindness from someone I didn’t know all that well at the time (we are now extremely close) stood in stark contrast to the many people — even good friends and co-workers — who avoided me for weeks. Simply saying, ‘I don’t know what to say’ is enough. ‘I’m sorry’ is enough. Even ‘here’s a ham,’ is enough.

My 28-year-old daughter committed suicide 20 years ago. I was already in counseling, and my counselor let me spend about three months crying in her office every week, and then I was not allowed to do it anymore. She and I started a grief group at our church. I saw that there were people who were grieving the loss of a child (of any age) and hadn’t moved on, even after 10 years, and that they had become alcoholics and/or drug addicts. I knew I didn’t want that to happen to me. So I worked at recovering, and, after two years, I was in a much, much better place. — Frances, 71

“A book by Barbara Roberts called “Death Without Denial, Grief Without Apology: A Guide for Facing Death and Loss,” provided me with what I needed to let grief take it where it would, when my husband of 25 years died at 54. It was so helpful that I wrote to the author, who not only responded, but six months later responded again with more support. I have passed the book on numerous times. It helped me understand that grief is highly individual and there is no right or wrong way to do it; and that it is not my responsibility to make my loss easier for others.” — Carol, 67

While going through my husband’s clothes to decide what was good for donating, I came across his favorite sport jacket and burst into tears. I held the jacket close to me and wrapped the arms around me. I hugged it tightly and somehow felt his closeness. I told him how much I loved and missed him, and asked why he had to leave me. I don’t know how long I held him but when I hung the jacket back in the closet, I had a peaceful feeling that I hadn’t felt before. We were together for 58 years and I still miss him terribly; but after that experience, it became a little easier to deal with my loss.” — Donna, 88