Emptying a drawer that for years had sat unsifted, I found old computer disks, a yellowed newspaper and a stack of senior photos of my first students. In our classroom in Watertown, Minn., these kids had watched me fumble with seating charts and desk arrangements, with lagging book discussions, with disrespect. And yet they wrote for me: poems and essays layered with declarations, confessions, errors and hope. I blinked over their bent heads, the sound of their shifting pencils speeding my heartbeat. Sometimes, one would glance at me. Yes, I’d want to say, I see you. I still do. — Emily Brisse
Positively Purging-I welcome your feedbacks in the comments and your likes and passing the real life wisdom on to others as I embark on this new venture of “positively purging“, as I know each of these pieces represents something
Lean on your girlfriends get a great bed and great sheets; and eat healthy as you can but indulge when you need it. Most of all, give yourself grace and love
Positively Purging-I welcome your feedbacks in the comments and your likes and passing the real life wisdom on to others as I embark on this new venture of “positively purging“, as I know each of these pieces represents something
I’ve never been one to date online, but toward the start of the pandemic, I tried it out. It was going well, but after a while I thought, “What am I doing?” As much as I want to find someone, the idea that I have to look at several pictures of your face and decide if I like you does not track. I’m attracted to so much more than just physicality, and it’s hard to get a sense of someone’s essence, no matter what prompts are on there. I do like to go on the app to remember that there are single men in the world, and maybe one day I’ll be interested in one. But we may not be able to go out again until the fall. So for now, Dr. [Anthony] Fauci is my king. [laughs] – Ego Nwodim
Positively Purging-I welcome your feedbacks in the comments and your likes and passing the real life wisdom on to others as I embark on this new venture of “positively purging“, as I know each of these pieces represents something
I am a single gay man in my early 60s. I am having a real problem getting beyond grief.
My ex-partner died almost five years ago. We were a couple for 11 years but lived together a total of 21 years and were very good friends.
I was there when he took his last breath, along with two of his dearest friends.
I also lost my younger brother seven years ago and a handful of close friends in between – due mostly to cancer.
My circle of friends has shrunk to almost nothing. I seem to be stuck in grief and can’t move forward. I am a very responsible man. I go to work every day, pay my bills and such, but there is a huge void in my life because so many people in my own little world are gone. I think of them often and truly believe they would never want me to carry on like this. They’d want me to move forward with my life, but I just seem to be stuck.
I have neglected staying on top of clutter at home and repurposing things I’ve been wanting to get rid of for a long time.
I can’t just throw perfectly good things away, but the job of going through everything intimidates me.
I’m thinking of advertising for someone to help (of course, I would pay them), and maybe do one little project/area at a time like the kitchen, then the storage closet, or the spare room, which belonged to my dear ex-partner.
I think I’m afraid of being judged for letting things go. I know I need to get over that but I would appreciate your input about getting beyond this.
Dear Stuck: “Getting beyond” your grief seems like such a big lift; learning to live differently alongside your grief might be a way to frame your efforts.
You are insightful to realize that your household paralysis is linked to your grief. The clutter in your home is a physical manifestation of how powerless you feel. It is a common reaction to your experience, which might be characterized as Prolonged Grief Disorder, which is also known as “complicated grief.”
You need and deserve professional help through grief therapy (you should also be screened for depression).
You will also start to feel better very quickly when you make inroads in clearing out your living space. This is an empowering form of self-care.
The LGBTQ community where you live can help to hook you up with grief groups, cleaners, and organizers. Churches and other faith communities will also sometimes volunteer to help. And – I assure you – anyone who comes into your home to do this 1) will never judge you, and 2) will have seen much more complicated clutter than yours.
In the new film “Spoiler Alert,” Sally Field’s character, who is grieving the loss of her son to cancer, offers this profound insight: “You have to run the race in front of you, because that’s all there is.” And all races are run – one step at a time.
