Real Life of an MSW

I often read your column aloud to my disabled wife, who is terminally ill with a relatively rare frontotemporal dementia. She is nearing the final stage of the disease.

We are fortunate to have a great many friends and family members who are very solicitous toward her. I don’t know what we’d do without the overt emotional support and the myriad acts of kindness and generosity we receive almost daily.

But what do I say to those few (Evangelical Christian) friends who are determined to save her with assurances that God will heal her from this incurable, untreatable and terminal disease?

Recently a dear friend insisted that I talk to one of her church’s practitioners about the possibility of working a healing through Bible study and prayer.

Days later, while I was away on a well-earned respite, the caregiver I hired to stay with my wife (a woman we’ve known for nearly 20 years) spent her time with my wife reading from the Bible, praying over her and assuring her that Jesus would make her whole if she believed hard enough.

Amy, my wife and I are practicing Christians, actively involved in our church, and we receive care and weekly visits through our church’s Stephens Ministry, and also from the hospice agency’s chaplain.

We have been up front with all our friends about the nature and outcome of my wife’s illness. We accept the fact that there is no recovery from this disease, and it’s frankly hurtful that people whom we hold in high esteem apparently lack sensitivity to our circumstances and feel such a strong further need to “help.”

Any words of wisdom? Faithful Husband

This made me angry and caused me to tear up and ball up the damn newspaper.  Some individuals have no respect for others. I found myself in agreement with Amy.  This husband should push back firmly against any “help” which runs counter to his faith practice, or which simply makes him or his wife uncomfortable. This is his life, his home, and a shared and bittersweet journey he is taking with his wife. Anyone who “insists” that he do any particular thing should receive the following clear reply: “That would not be helpful; I’d appreciate it if you didn’t pressure me.” One must protect their loved ones at all costs, as caregiving is hard enough. How would you handle this?t